President Obama's Evening with Vlad and the Donald

Somewhere secret


OBAMA:   Listen Vlad, I do not appreciate your hacking into the DNC headquarters and fooling the FBI into releasing a report about Hillary’s emails.  The next time you do this I will tell the Donald that you have looked into his eyes and seen a Capitalist pig and a lying one at that.


VLADY:  And I will tell Donald that you are trying to use Nato to keep me from restoring the USSR.   His casinos like gambling Russians, and I have assured him that if he plays along by giving me some vig, he will grow his measly $3.5 billion in net worth to approximate mine which is $85 billion, I mean I am almost as rich as Bill Gates and Carlos Slim put together. Plus, I will show him how to successfully hide it all from the nosy journalists, several of whom I have had to dump in the Volga. So do not think that you left such a good legacy.  You had the chance to send in the Marines when I annexed Crimea, but you did not think it was worth it.  And you did not follow that witch Hillary's advice to create a no fly zone in Syria. Of course we hacked your election. Wait until you see what I have in store for the Baltic Republics. They are part of the USSR.


For example, I did a real smart deal nationalizing Yukos oil and kicking that presumptuous oligarch, Kordokovsky out of the country and "nationalizing" his wealth.  He even thinks he will be fed polonium in his tea, just like I fed Litvinenko who died a miserable death in a London hospital after my agents poisoned him.  No one read about it in the Russian press, fortunately. He never wanted to do business with me and now sits in London, calling me a crook. Some nerve.  I am working on this problem with some of my friends at the old KGB. Any fool would realize that controlling the information gives me an 85% approval rating among the Soviet people. 


But I know that Donald does not drink Vodka or any liquor for that matter. But I do. And wasn't it your Amerikansi comedian WC Fields who said, if you drink before you are forty you are crazy and if you do not drink after 40 you are twice as crazy?  Donald was my Manchurian candidate. And now Rex Tillerson at the State Department?  My business partner? My medal friendship winner? What a feat. I am so manly and smartski.


TRUMP: Hey guys, can I get into this conversation?


VLADY: Of course you can. What ideas do you have to deal with US-Soviet (oops Russian) relations?


TRUMP: Well I am going to build a beautiful wall on the Mexican border to keep the Soviet Mexican agents out of Arizona and New Mexico. And, by the way Vlady, you did an amazing job in Syria, dropping barrel bombs on school children and hospitals. You are a strong leader.  And President Obama, you stood by while Vlad took care of those rebels, destroying Aleppo and killing thousands, causing migrations to Turkey and Europe.  Both of you have done an incredible job in destabilizing the EU. Even that German bitch Merkel is paying the price. But you have to be careful with the Germans. If they get angry enough, you could have another Stalingrad.   But I have a secret plan. Not even I know how it works yet. I am leaving that to Mike Pence, who is planning a trip to Syria. He believes that all the problems there are caused by the failure of the Muslims to accept Jesus.


I am going to change all that with Trump hotels and casinos all over Eastern Europe to employ the Syrian refugees. I have already planned the new Trump Istanbul, to be built with tax credits to me because I might have to sell some of my holdings to prevent the appearance of a conflict of interest. I plan to create jobs for West Virginia coal miners by shipping them to Turkey to build Trump casinos and hotels. And it will save money for Medicare by preventing black lung disease.


By the way the new commissioner of Internal Revenue says he will be done with my routine audit after I have run for my second term in 2020 and then I can release my tax returns. Vlad wants to see them before he goes into business with me, so I may have to show my hand earlier.


And Rick Perry? The guy, who I said needed an IQ test to be President, will do a fine job at the Department of Energy.  I picked him because he was not low Energy Bush and could not remember it when he had a brain fart and did not know which government department he wanted to abolish. Perfect choice, believe me.


General Mike Flynn, my new national conspiracy theory advisor tells me that there is a conspiracy here in the US and to use Dr. Ben Carson, the new head of Housing and Urban Development who has a direct line to stop Lucifer from ripping unborn babies from the womb in government housing developments.



We will fix all of that soon. But I cannot tell you both how. It's a secret. 

Share This Post

Recent Post


November 21, 2025
During his “wilderness years,” Churchill understood Adolf Hitler’s ambitions, presciently shouting to a deaf world the dangers ahead. The Rhineland. Sudetenland. Czechoslovakia gobbled up while appeasers twiddled. England and France could have sent Hitler packing. Instead, they gave him three more years to arm. It was too late. Fifty million died. Stalin, double-crossed by his former Poland-dividing German friend, decided too late that he had to fight. Millions of Soviets soldiers and civilians died because of his dithering. FDR had to contend with America Firsters and could have entered the war sooner; he had third term political considerations in in 1940; but he knew he had to fight, too. Eventually. WE RELIVE THE MISTAKES OF HISTORY AT OUR OWN PERIL, LIKE WILEY CAYOTE CHASING THE ROAD RUNNER. PUTIN INVADED A SOVEREIGN COUNTRY. STOP HIM, GERMANS. STOP HIM, FRENCHMEN. STOP HIM, NATO. STOP HIM, AMERICA. UKRAINIAN CHILDREN ARE FREEZING AND STARVING. PEOPLE ARE LOSING THEIR LIVES TO A RUSSIAN BLOODTHIRSTY PYROMANIAC, A HANNIBAL LECTER. Here’s the rub: using time as his weapon, like Hitler, Putin is conscripting, propagandizing, and gradually conscripting massive manpower—constructing his war machine, gaslighting his people, building support, slowly, craftily, cunningly, odiously. Russians believe his lies about Ukraine as a Nazi haven, a virtual pizza parlor filled with basement dwelling pedophiles, or in this case, jackbooted storm troopers. Despite President Zelensky’s Churchillian appearance before congress, we must move swiftly, because time is on Putin’s side. A war of attrition is not on Ukraine’s side. Even with US Ordinance, rockets, drones, artillery. Western fear is Putin’s ally. Time is Putin’s ally. Wars start slowly but inevitably spiral out of control; aid the west provides the Ukrainians resembles aid the US gave to England in 1940, followed by exponential materiel increase from the great American “arsenal of democracy.” It was not enough. Not in 1940 and not enough in 2022; it will not be enough in 2023, 2024, 2025 as this war drags on. Too many Russians, too much manpower. Too much time. Victory requires a credible threat of NATO mobilization—an army ready to do battle. And an ultimatum. But that will not happen, I fear. Billions of dollars for weapons in a proxy war with Ukrainians fighting Russians has been impactful. Americans can watch Netflix war movies while Ukrainians bleed. They can watch Tom Hanks storm the beach at Normandy. Much less dangerous. Let’s just ship some more rockets to Ukraine instead. Yellowstone is on. Even so, it was heartening to see the bipartisan support for Ukraine in the Congress. Military planners in the Pentagon and in Western European capitals should be preparing for a wider war. It would be malfeasant for them not to do. We just don’t realize it yet. NATO is obliged to tell Putin to get out of Ukraine or face an allied army to evict him. Putin must be given an ultimatum to get out or face military force. Germans and French, British and American, Canadian and Australian. Putin understands naked power. The west must mobilize. He does not understand anything else. Lenin said, “push forward the bayonet. If you find soft flesh, push. If you find steel, retreat.” Putin learned Lenin in school; Lenin is in his DNA. He learned it in the KGB. He learned it in Mother Russia. He wants it all. He is Czar Nicholas, Comrade Stalin, Comrade Lenin all rolled into a painting in the Hermitage, his hometown museum, where he went as a schoolboy, where his parents took him, where he learned of the greatness of Russia. Where the Czar had palaces. Russians never had democratic traditions. Ask Nicholas II and his family, brutally executed by Bolsheviks. Ask the millions starved by Stalin in the Ukraine during his communized agriculture plan. Ask the people sent to the Gulag, or the Hungarians who dared to revolt against the Soviet hammer and sickle. Ask the subjugated Poles carved up by Stalin and Hitler. Ask all of the subjugated and terrorized people who suffered behind the iron curtain. Ask Alexi Navalny, a political prisoner, poisoned once, and now jailed in a Russian gulag. A delusional revanchist KGB agent in the Kremlin tries to raise the Soviet corpse by terrorizing a sovereign nation. A nation which had its own history before Lenin and his desciples created a dark Bolshevik empire. NATO, led by Germany and France and then the United States, face the eventual inevitability of mobilizing an army to kick Putin out of Ukraine and Crimea. The alternative is too grim to contemplate. Trench warfare. Stalemate. Ukrainians under siege. Massive Russian armies. Possibly being defeated. World economic disruption. Continued war crimes. A war of attrition, cold and misery. I hope I am wrong about this.  Western ambitions about this outrageous war ending through negotiation are delusional. If Putin sees that we are serious about the sovereignty of nations, he must face a serious military threat-- mobilization of NATO forces. Only then he will likely back down. Until then brave Ukrainians will bleed, freeze and die bearing the brunt of our fear.
November 21, 2025
This is my first blog entry, and a fine time it is for it, if I must say so myself. Florida has now elected an ethically challenged Republican governor, who essentially flooded the airwaves with negative ads about Alex Sink, the democratic candidate. People who have voted for him will not be surprised if he disappoints by trying to shut the door to the courthouse to "protect" businesses which despoil the environment, drill for oil in pristine seas off the coast, or manufacture harmful products. On the national scene, people are amazed that tea partiers have gained so many seats in the House of Representatives, by mouthing standard platitudes of how they are going to slash spending. But where? They do not say. Elected to the United States Senate is Marco Rubio, a 39 year old tea party conservative, who has railed against a woman's right to choose, waffled on global warming, and thinks that America is moving in the wrong direction. He expects to cure this problem by slashing the budget and making "hard choices," but has failed to specify which choices. Not social security because his 80 something mother is a beneficiary, but more likely because he fears the wrath of Florida's seniors. He is supposedly a rising star in the Republican party and since the other tea partiers are pretty crazy, he probably won't be around for his full term, unless he keeps his seat while running for higher office a la Joe Lieberman. The selling of candidates like bars of soap continues, and the insulting, demeaning ads are over, but the consequences of the electorate not having to think too much about the candidates or listen seriously to debates about complex issues should be troublesome to any thoughtful person. People in Florida should not be discouraged, however. Now that the GOP has some power, they will be held responsible by the punditry, including yours truly in the next election.
November 21, 2025
George Bush has his new book out. I have not yet read it, but I have heard him interviewed on TV and have read reviews of the book. This frat boy, this pious peddler of religious virtue, this hypocrite now wants to sell his writing (if he wrote it at all) as though he would be regarded kindly by history. He will not. He lacks no chutzpah. Ignorance surely is bliss. His absence of remorse for sending our young service men and women to fight and die or have a leg or an arm blown off, is an exemplar of hubris and rationalization with which history will be able to evaluate his Presidency for its true worthlessness. Claiming to "protect Americans," he invaded a country that did not present an existential threat to our national security, violating his oath of office to preserve, protect and defend the constitution. Arguably he is a war criminal, having authorized torture and assuming responsibility for the unnecessary deaths of thousands of American youths, as well as around 100,000 innocent civilian Iraqis. Speaking of audacity, the current occupant of the White House could use some. His potential compromise of the Bush tax cuts, favoring the richest of Americans threatens to perpetuate a growing disparity between the super rich and the rest of us. Imposing taxes to implement social policy, despite Republican protestations, is not a new phenomenon. Seems that the American people have been fed and are voraciously consuming the malarkey of the conservatives who, despite evidence to the contrary, still believe that these rich folk are benefactors who create more jobs when they fail to pay their fair share of taxes. These are the same people who spent two trillion dollars on two wars and insist that we need a fleet of warplanes and billion dollar aircraft carriers to fight an amorphous band of illiterate religious fundamentalist terrorist thugs who have to smuggle explosive-laden printer cartridges onto airplanes or fill a truck with explosives to attack us. Now we need to get spending under control, they say. No present day politician, Republican, Democrat or Tea Partier seems to have the courage to tell us exactly what they will cut. Social Security? The defense budget? Veterans Benefits? Medicare? The truth be told, no one dares. It must be the fault of the lawyers