Donald Trump's Inaugural Address

Friends, Americans, Countrymen, and Trumpsters:


The evil that men do lives after them; the good is 'oft interred with their bones. I come to praise Hillary, although I buried her at the polls. Even though she got 2.5million more popular votes, I stand before you as the winner of this election, thanks to my newly evolved position on how it protects the yokels in fly over country. I am a winner!


Despite the failing New York Time's efforts to defeat me and the fact that I did not receive the endorsement of any other major American newspaper, I stand before you as a testament to the stupidity of the electorate.  After all, wasn't it PT Barnum who said that "there is a sucker born every minute?" or H.L. Mencken who said that "no one ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public?"


All this business of the popular vote? I mean if I had campaigned in California and New York, I would have persuaded all those Hollywood types and Eastern elitist liberals to vote for me, so I would have campaigned differently and won anyway. All this because I am a man of the people. My humble abode in Trump Tower proves that, and you can be sure I will never release my tax returns now. And so what if Tiffany customers cannot get into the store and Fifth Avenue is now blocked. But we have a rear entrance so Melania can buy. New Yorkers did not vote for me anyway. What traitors.


Now, I am going to select a junta of generals to run our foreign policy, even though I said I know more than they do.  I brought Mitt Romney around to show how magnanimous I am and we had a great meal at that workman's establishment restaurant Jean Georges, to show how we eat just like the people. Neither Mitt nor I drink so we saved some money. I think it is at taxpayer expense, anyway, picking the cabinet, don't you?


Frankly, I think David Petraeus would make the best Secretary of State. After all he engineered the surge and was first in his class at West Point, even though he gave out national security secrets and pled his felony down to a misdemeanor, because he was grabbing some hot p***y. He paid his debt to society and deserves a second chance, unlike crooked Hillary who abused her email server and killed everyone in Benghazi.


And, of course, I picked Mike Pence as VP to ensure that I would not be impeached. He has a pea-sized brain, believing that people walked the earth with dinosaurs and evolution is just a "theory."  After all, I descended from an orange Orangutan, proving evolution is real. Mike also thinks Newton's theory of gravity is unproven. If he becomes president, watch out.


And all those pundits who said I have no economic plan? Of course I do. Tax cuts for corporations, and sinking public schools through Betsy DiVos who never saw a public school she liked. After all she rose through the ranks of that great institution, the Amway Ponzi scheme, eminently qualifying her for office.


And my new Treasury Secretary? Steven Mnuchin What a gem. The Wall Street Journal (Fox News) loves him.


His qualification for the job is of the working class--a hedge fund operator making millions and a trader at Goldman Sachs as well as a Hollywood financier. He has a great feel for the coal miner or the auto assembly worker. 


And then we have Wilbur Ross a billionaire investor in distressed assets, foreclosing on people and throwing them out of their homes.  But he has assured me that his perspective has evolved, as has mine.

We will have a great winning team to greaten America.


I can't wait to bomb the shit out of Iran and ISIS, scotch the Iran deal and make America great again. Putin and the Iranians are overjoyed on the prospect that we are aligning ourselves with that great humanitarian Bashar Assad who is restoring order to his county by dropping barrel bombs on children and civilians. And Putin does deserve to increase his sphere of influence in eastern Europe. Just like the good old days.


So now, my fellow Americans, with malice toward none, with charity for all, with firmness in the right as God gives us to see the right, let us strive to bind up the nations wounds (if Melania can plagiarize, so can I).



God Bless the Trump organization and the United States of America.

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November 21, 2025
During his “wilderness years,” Churchill understood Adolf Hitler’s ambitions, presciently shouting to a deaf world the dangers ahead. The Rhineland. Sudetenland. Czechoslovakia gobbled up while appeasers twiddled. England and France could have sent Hitler packing. Instead, they gave him three more years to arm. It was too late. Fifty million died. Stalin, double-crossed by his former Poland-dividing German friend, decided too late that he had to fight. Millions of Soviets soldiers and civilians died because of his dithering. FDR had to contend with America Firsters and could have entered the war sooner; he had third term political considerations in in 1940; but he knew he had to fight, too. Eventually. WE RELIVE THE MISTAKES OF HISTORY AT OUR OWN PERIL, LIKE WILEY CAYOTE CHASING THE ROAD RUNNER. PUTIN INVADED A SOVEREIGN COUNTRY. STOP HIM, GERMANS. STOP HIM, FRENCHMEN. STOP HIM, NATO. STOP HIM, AMERICA. UKRAINIAN CHILDREN ARE FREEZING AND STARVING. PEOPLE ARE LOSING THEIR LIVES TO A RUSSIAN BLOODTHIRSTY PYROMANIAC, A HANNIBAL LECTER. Here’s the rub: using time as his weapon, like Hitler, Putin is conscripting, propagandizing, and gradually conscripting massive manpower—constructing his war machine, gaslighting his people, building support, slowly, craftily, cunningly, odiously. Russians believe his lies about Ukraine as a Nazi haven, a virtual pizza parlor filled with basement dwelling pedophiles, or in this case, jackbooted storm troopers. Despite President Zelensky’s Churchillian appearance before congress, we must move swiftly, because time is on Putin’s side. A war of attrition is not on Ukraine’s side. Even with US Ordinance, rockets, drones, artillery. Western fear is Putin’s ally. Time is Putin’s ally. Wars start slowly but inevitably spiral out of control; aid the west provides the Ukrainians resembles aid the US gave to England in 1940, followed by exponential materiel increase from the great American “arsenal of democracy.” It was not enough. Not in 1940 and not enough in 2022; it will not be enough in 2023, 2024, 2025 as this war drags on. Too many Russians, too much manpower. Too much time. Victory requires a credible threat of NATO mobilization—an army ready to do battle. And an ultimatum. But that will not happen, I fear. Billions of dollars for weapons in a proxy war with Ukrainians fighting Russians has been impactful. Americans can watch Netflix war movies while Ukrainians bleed. They can watch Tom Hanks storm the beach at Normandy. Much less dangerous. Let’s just ship some more rockets to Ukraine instead. Yellowstone is on. Even so, it was heartening to see the bipartisan support for Ukraine in the Congress. Military planners in the Pentagon and in Western European capitals should be preparing for a wider war. It would be malfeasant for them not to do. We just don’t realize it yet. NATO is obliged to tell Putin to get out of Ukraine or face an allied army to evict him. Putin must be given an ultimatum to get out or face military force. Germans and French, British and American, Canadian and Australian. Putin understands naked power. The west must mobilize. He does not understand anything else. Lenin said, “push forward the bayonet. If you find soft flesh, push. If you find steel, retreat.” Putin learned Lenin in school; Lenin is in his DNA. He learned it in the KGB. He learned it in Mother Russia. He wants it all. He is Czar Nicholas, Comrade Stalin, Comrade Lenin all rolled into a painting in the Hermitage, his hometown museum, where he went as a schoolboy, where his parents took him, where he learned of the greatness of Russia. Where the Czar had palaces. Russians never had democratic traditions. Ask Nicholas II and his family, brutally executed by Bolsheviks. Ask the millions starved by Stalin in the Ukraine during his communized agriculture plan. Ask the people sent to the Gulag, or the Hungarians who dared to revolt against the Soviet hammer and sickle. Ask the subjugated Poles carved up by Stalin and Hitler. Ask all of the subjugated and terrorized people who suffered behind the iron curtain. Ask Alexi Navalny, a political prisoner, poisoned once, and now jailed in a Russian gulag. A delusional revanchist KGB agent in the Kremlin tries to raise the Soviet corpse by terrorizing a sovereign nation. A nation which had its own history before Lenin and his desciples created a dark Bolshevik empire. NATO, led by Germany and France and then the United States, face the eventual inevitability of mobilizing an army to kick Putin out of Ukraine and Crimea. The alternative is too grim to contemplate. Trench warfare. Stalemate. Ukrainians under siege. Massive Russian armies. Possibly being defeated. World economic disruption. Continued war crimes. A war of attrition, cold and misery. I hope I am wrong about this.  Western ambitions about this outrageous war ending through negotiation are delusional. If Putin sees that we are serious about the sovereignty of nations, he must face a serious military threat-- mobilization of NATO forces. Only then he will likely back down. Until then brave Ukrainians will bleed, freeze and die bearing the brunt of our fear.
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This is my first blog entry, and a fine time it is for it, if I must say so myself. Florida has now elected an ethically challenged Republican governor, who essentially flooded the airwaves with negative ads about Alex Sink, the democratic candidate. People who have voted for him will not be surprised if he disappoints by trying to shut the door to the courthouse to "protect" businesses which despoil the environment, drill for oil in pristine seas off the coast, or manufacture harmful products. On the national scene, people are amazed that tea partiers have gained so many seats in the House of Representatives, by mouthing standard platitudes of how they are going to slash spending. But where? They do not say. Elected to the United States Senate is Marco Rubio, a 39 year old tea party conservative, who has railed against a woman's right to choose, waffled on global warming, and thinks that America is moving in the wrong direction. He expects to cure this problem by slashing the budget and making "hard choices," but has failed to specify which choices. Not social security because his 80 something mother is a beneficiary, but more likely because he fears the wrath of Florida's seniors. He is supposedly a rising star in the Republican party and since the other tea partiers are pretty crazy, he probably won't be around for his full term, unless he keeps his seat while running for higher office a la Joe Lieberman. The selling of candidates like bars of soap continues, and the insulting, demeaning ads are over, but the consequences of the electorate not having to think too much about the candidates or listen seriously to debates about complex issues should be troublesome to any thoughtful person. People in Florida should not be discouraged, however. Now that the GOP has some power, they will be held responsible by the punditry, including yours truly in the next election.
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